When I was a kid, way back in the day, I moved to a new city. On my second day at school, I made a new friend, and I was really excited about it. However, a few days later, my new friend came up to me and told me that her mom would not let her be my friend anymore. Now, first of all, I was a highly sensitive child, and although being rejected in this way may not have affected someone else on a deep level, I was horrified and very hurt. The experience for me, at age seven, was extremely traumatic, and that experience colored my view of myself and my friendships for decades.
Although I’ve had a lot of hard things happen in my life, this memory was one that my brain was never able to process properly. I was not fully aware of the full effects of this memory on a conscious level, but the trauma ended up undermining my ability to cope with rejection and make and keep friends. Of course, I had friends, but I never trusted that they would stick around – honestly, I just never felt worthy or truly liked.
I know, all of this sounds very dramatic, or maybe like an overreaction, but it is a good example of how a traumatic memory can disrupt the brain’s normal, adaptive information processing, resulting in maladaptive interpretations, feelings, and behaviors.
The thing is, time does not heal all wounds.
Some wounds stick with us, and until we process those memories they can continue to negatively affect our lives. A major goal of Eye Motion Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy is to process unprocessed memories – like my memory of being rejected in elementary school.
By reprocessing memories that have been stored maladaptively, EMDR can help our brains link the memory to more adaptive memory networks.
What is an adaptive memory network?
When something happens in the present, there is a good chance that it will remind us of something in the past, either consciously or unconsciously. If you have been able to process a similar past memory in an adaptive way, it is likely that the new event will also be processed adaptively; like, you’ve been through it before, so you know that you will get through it – you have an adaptive memory network related to that event that is positive and not overly emotionally charged.
On the flip side, something could happen in the present, and it could remind you, even unconsciously of a past unprocessed memory. In this case, you may be triggered and you may feel an intense emotional reaction, even feelings that you will not survive this current event. You might really struggle to bring yourself back to a sense of safety and calm. Even if your brain is telling you that you are not in danger, emotionally, you may feel very much like your life is at stake. You may feel extremely anxious, depressed, or completely shut down (all of this is closely related to polyvagal theory that we can talk about at a different time…).
At any rate, the most amazing thing is, it is never too late to reprocess past stuff, and EMDR has been shown to be a very effective way to deal with past traumas that continue to trigger us in the present.
So, how does EMDR work?
EMDR is a very specific eight-phase therapeutic modality that involves exploring and reprocessing memories that continue to affect your current life. After taking a brief history and choosing what memories you would like to work on, you and I will use eye movements or other bilateral stimulation while you bring up images and feelings from the past. The bilateral stimulation keeps you in the present while you process your memories. It also mimics REM sleep, your brain’s natural way of processing memories. You will be asked to share whatever comes to mind, even if you think your thoughts have gone way off-track. Once we have reprocessed a memory, we will work on reinforcing positive cognitions related to your memories and explore how your memories may have been stored in your body. Once a memory has been reprocessed completely, we will check in now and then to make sure that the memory no longer holds a strong emotional charge.
That's a lot of words - if you are a visual learner, scroll down to the bottom and check out the infographic I created.
Of course, as we move through each phase, you will be given a lot more information about the mechanics of the work and the theories behind it. EMDR is not meant to be mysterious and it is really important that you feel comfortable and understand what is actually happening. You will be kept in the know and any and all questions will be more than welcome.
A final note:
Working through old memories can be tough, which is why it is crucial that you feel in control at all times. EMDR is not hypnosis and you are fully conscious and aware during the entire process. You and I will work out a stop signal that you will be encouraged to use whenever you need a break or just feel overwhelmed.
A final, final note:
Yes, EMDR seems so woo-woo, I know! Especially if you have not done it before, it’s like, what is this?? Here’s the thing: EMDR is a evidence-based practice that has a ton of research behind it. Initially developed in part, to help individuals with PTSD, it is recognized by the American Psychiatric Association and the US Department of Defense (among others) as an effective treatment for trauma.
There is SO much more I could have written about EMDR and the science behind it, and I am sure I will in future articles. But for now, if you have any questions, please comment below.
Also, please contact me if you are feeling like you might benefit from therapy. Although I have been trained in EMDR, I don’t use it with everybody. I also work narratively, from an attachment frame, and creatively. I am passionate about what I do and I would love to hear your story!
Have a wonderful day, thanks for reading, and take care of yourself!
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