How I work with Religious & Spiritual Transitions

Religious change can sometimes be experienced as what seems like a sudden awakening; other times, it can occur as a slow, more subtle change in the mind and heart. Altering one’s religious or spiritual practices and/or beliefs may take days, months, or even decades. Everyone’s path is unique which is why I meet every individual I work with from a place of curiosity and respect for each person’s process.

Religious and spiritual issues are sometimes avoided by psychotherapists.

I am not one to shy away from discussions of religion and spirituality with my clients. I understand the impact that spiritual and religious beliefs and practices can have on an individual’s development and sense of Self (positively or negatively!). Can we truly address the whole person without exploring spirituality? Sometimes, yes. But, if spirituality has had an impact on your life in a meaningful way, I would say, no, it cannot be completely ignored in therapy. Questioning, deconstructing, re-constructing, healing and possibly even creating your own spiritual practices based on what serves you are all potential themes to explore in therapy; all in the service of increasing your own sense of Self and belonging.

What is deconstruction?

Deconstruction occurs when you and I explore and dissect religious paradigms and beliefs that were either put upon you or that you adopted as part of your current or past religious involvement. Examining these beliefs can help you understand and come to terms with why you may still be affected by issues such as black and white thinking, low self-image, residual guilt, fear, shame, and so much more. By deconstructing old beliefs and putting them into context we can work on rebuilding your sense of Self while also exploring your values and helping you decide how you want to show up in the world.

Can’t I see any therapist for this?

Yes, of course, there are so many wonderful therapists who work with trauma of all kinds – however, the value of working with someone who has the lived experience of a religious transition should also be considered. It is truly a different experience working with someone who understands and knows the depth and meaning of religious and spiritual transformation.  

What is so unique about spiritual trauma, isn’t it like any other trauma?

All forms of trauma can be difficult to reconcile, and spiritual trauma may or may not feel as distressing as some other experiences. However, spiritual, or religious trauma is often coupled with existential dread, un-grounding, and a loss of Self. Having one’s very existence threatened by religious dogma can be extremely difficult to unpack. Many religious communities use cult-like methods to exert control over their members, which can have long-lasting negative effects on the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual Self.

Reconstructing, rebuilding, reclaiming, re-authoring.

Deconstructing old beliefs can leave one feeling very ungrounded, lost, and alone. For the first time in your life, you may have the freedom to really get to know your Self, which can be exciting and terrifying. Maybe you don’t even know what I am talking about, having never been encouraged to explore your own being as an individual. Ending your journey at the deconstruction phase would likely feel very unfinished because once you have dismantled old beliefs, what are you left with? Reconstructing your beliefs and values in ways that are affirming, Self-led, and more aligned with who you are as an individual is a crucial part of the healing process.

If the idea of choosing your own beliefs and values scares you a little, don’t worry. You are not alone – this is a normal reaction to having your beliefs and values dictated to you throughout your life. Don’t worry, we will tread lightly, and move at your pace.

Rebuilding a life that is filled with meaning, joy, peace, and harmony is a worthy goal for any individual, and especially for those who have experienced spiritual or religious trauma.

Reclaiming your Selfhood, being Self-led, and re-authoring your story are also very important parts of the work, and you and I can and will get creative about how we want to do this. I would love to help you create a meaningful, empowered, affirming life no matter where you land, whether you want to disconnect from your religious community or not.

So, what’s next? What if I have done all this work and I feel like something is still missing? What if I miss the ritual, community, and direction that my religion provided for me?

If you feel like you want to continue with your spiritual growth, let’s explore! The beautiful thing is, you are free to make those choices, no matter your situation, and science has proven that there are many spiritual practices that are excellent for your mental health. Meditation, yoga, breathwork, connecting with community, getting out in nature, writing, and art are all excellent ways to begin your spiritual journey, which ultimately helps you reconnect with your Self. 

LGBTQIA+ folx and Religious and Spiritual Trauma

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I cannot write about spiritual and religious trauma without acknowledging the unique impact that many organized religious communities have on LGBTQIA+ folx. While I acknowledge my privilege as a heterosexual woman, I have deep respect and love for those who have been harmed by religious dogma and communities due to their sexuality. I am here for you, and rest assured, I do everything I can to be an ally and affirming of everyone I work with. 

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How I work with Religious and Spiritual Trauma.

I work primarily with Internal Family Systems (IFS), Narrative Therapy, and EMDR. I have found IFS to be an amazing tool for helping individuals heal from trauma and learn to trust themselves. Trusting yourself, including your passions, intuition, thoughts, and feelings is often discouraged in religious communities because that level of individuality, which can lead to questioning doctrine and leaders, is often construed as a threat to the hierarchy of the organization. Therefore, learning to trust your Self is a crucial part of the work.

The wonderful thing about Narrative Therapy is the idea that we all have stories, and if we can re-author those stories and emerge with a more empowering, Self-affirming story at the end of therapy, we have achieved something incredibly powerful and long-lasting. Re-authoring is not about changing history – it is about seeing the whole story in context; taking a very narrow, often problem saturated story and expanding the story to include the sparkling moments, to emerge as the hero of your story – which you are already! Narrative therapy also takes into account systems that oppress and the impact of those systems on the psyche, which must be acknowledged and affirmed.

Sometimes we have traumatic events in our lives that are very difficult to reconcile, places we are stuck with triggers that continue to plague our day to day. This is where EMDR can help. EMDR is an incredible tool for clearing out old traumas so that there is room to grow, expand our stories, and come into ourselves with a sense of calm and clarity.